so do i buy another one to keep it company, or will that only make it worse? would that make me a sad person like the people who buy relaxing music for their cats or dogs (i am not kidding you, i thought i had misread when i first saw them in a store yesterday)? is it normal to write down lines from an episode of men in trees, because it feels as if marin were talking about me? how do you get used to being single? how do you know whether you like it or not? how do i come to terms with the fact that i am totally disappointed in the man i was very much in love with, by how he handles (or does not handle) the situation now? do i worry about myself because i switch off my mobile when i get home, and don't switch it on at all on a saturday? am i hiding behind work? can one night stands be an option when you miss sex but are making lists of what consequences they might have, what further complications they might bring? how do i stop asking questions, especially since i can't even have red wine to go with them?
apart from obviously thinking too much, i have been working - my morning class is really going well; i only have seven more days with this group, and i know i will miss them. it's been fun. i have also started to teach some afternoons - over the next 10 weeks or so i will have 7 different groups of people who only work from spring until fall (people working in catering, outdoor pools, etc). i have had a first lesson (4 hrs) with two of the groups, the first is quite okay, apart from the inevitable sexist jokes you get in classes of mostly men; but they seem to want to learn. the second group is very different: many of the students are absolute beginners because they come from mongolia, croatia, iraq, etc while some of them are quite good and are pissed off about having to take these classes (they are not just doing english, but different training modules), and one woman actually got mad and told me to "finally leave [her] alone with this!" i talked to her and two others trying to work out a solution where everybody gets some of what they want - them, the weaker students, and me. this week will be tough - 5 mornings, 3 afternoons, 1 evening. wish me luck.
medication: i was on 1.5 sertralin for a while longer than planned, because the pills really made/make me feel sick, and i didn't want to increase dosage on those two long teaching days. so instead of wednesday, yesterday was the first day i took 2. of course i have been feeling nauseous, and my stomach seems pretty upset. i don't feel like eating most of the time. blah.
i've been playing scrabulous quite a bit and hope they won't really have to shut it down (copyright stuff). i'm also spending way too much time on facebook.
i've also printed out, cut and folded 100 copies of my poem Open Letter to A Poet for dancing girl press' love letter project, and i have finally sent out all those copies of my chapbox that i still owed people.
and i continue to be very impressed with simone muench's orange girl. if you would like a copy, you can order one from dancing girl press.
thanks again to the one and only nic-olé for her music mixes. that's where today's song of the day comes from.
song of the day: ruby blue by roisin murphy.
