late to the party ...

the new year is almost a week old, and i am finally getting around to writing my end-of-2007 post. how pathetic is that. and even though i have had more time to think about it, i still find myself sitting here wondering what to say. now THAT is even more pathetic. *g*

we already know it was not a good year: my divorce from sepp, the financial disaster caused by venetia, all the heartache that came with my affair with nathan, the panic attacks and depression, falling out with my mother, the computer breakdown, the stolen purse and other, smaller troubles.

but of course it was not all bad.

the best thing was that so many people showed me they care. and how. my friends in vienna provided the best support a girl could wish for. my friends abroad sent me good vibes, virtual hugs and messages that occasionally made me wonder whether they were still talking about me. people i barely knew shared their experiences with me and became new friends. i don't even want to begin to imagine what i would have done without all that. so thank you. you know who you are.

of course there was something good in that love affair, though at the moment i am finding it a bit hard to see that. and that's okay, too. i still know many good poems were inspired by it, some of the music will stay with me as well, and one day i will be able to look back on the lovely days without bitterness or anger.

poetry:
45 poems were published in 2007, a handful were accepted for publication in 2008; in addition to that, the 24 secret meanings of greek letters poems in my chapbox. and of course alex's and my collaboration was accepted in the summer. one of my fibs placed second in the flashquake competition, and john vick awarded me a gift certificate. the elements series is about halfway done. i did not write nearly as much as in 2006, and i have been totally blocked since late september when the panic attacks began. but i am quite happy with some of my work.

the year also saw the publication of some photographs - the first one in lily, then in the fray published four. i really hope to place some more this year.

books:
i read a lot of poetry, particularly enjoyed galway kinnell's collection, thomas tranströmer's collection, the digerati anthology, teresa white's full-length collection and most of the chapbooks that i swapped / bought (among them, kelli russell agodon, ryan murphy, arlene ang). as for novels: jasper fforde still rules. so does terry pratchett.

music:
like almost any other year, i have made quite a few musical discoveries and been to some terrific concerts.

among the year's new favourites are regina spektor, bat for lashes, devendra banhart, pink martini, cat power, the yeah yeah yeahs, james morrison, beirut, deine lakaien, the editors, the pipettes, kristin hersh (re-discovered), scott walker (re-discovered), laura veirs.

i got to see tori amos again, loved the arcade fire and rufus wainwright concerts.

not sure what i listened to most this year, but certainly a lot of arcade fire, nellie mckay, rufus wainwright, martha wainwright, tom waits, feist, walkabouts, abba, georg danzer, muse, amy winehouse, attwenger, decemberists, belle & sebastian, billy joel, jenny lewis, kaiser chiefs, richard hawley, jarvis cocker, o brother where art thou soundtrack.

among my songs of the year (not necessarily new songs) - for all sorts of reasons:

chasing cars (snow patrol) ~ down boy (the yeah yeah yeahs) ~ trophy (bat for lashes) ~ fidelity (regina spektor) ~ the blower's daughter (damien rice) ~ your ghost (kristin hersh & michael stipe) ~ dis quand reviendras-tu (martha wainwright) ~ hey there delilah (the plain white t's) ~ diferente (gotan project) ~ santa maria da feira (devendra banhart) ~ this side of the blue (joanna newsom) ~ going to a town (rufus wainwright) ~ back to black (amy winehouse) ~ revival (the soulsavers with mark lanegan) ~ tell it to me (tom waits) ~ i see a darkness (bonnie prince billy) ~ velvet revolution (tori amos) ~ landed (ben folds) ~ 36 grad (2raumwohnung) ~ beyond the sea (robbie williams) ~ antichrist television blues (arcade fire) ~ paths of victory (cat power) ~ green fields (the good the bad & the queen) ~ majesty (madrugada) ~ please baby don't (sergio mendes feat john legend) ~ louis, louis (teitur) ~ troy (sinead o'connor) ~ tonight i have to leave it (shout oud louds) ~ young folks (peter bjorn & john with victoria bergsman).

favourite memories of 2007 include arlene's visit, hiking with my dad in the mountains near my hometown, a thunderstorm on the flight from chicago to l.a., my walks at central cemetery, holding gudrun's new baby boy for the first time, reading Open Letter to A Poet at café kafka, holding my new chapbox in my hands, meeting sarah.

i did not go to the cinema very often this year, but loved the queen, notes on a scandal, scott walker - 30th century man and savage grace. and it was great to see the third man again in the summer.

new addictions: facebook, scrabulous (very recent), grey's anatomy, nellie mckay, progressive muscle relaxation.
old addictions: gilmore girls, chocolate, photography.

and so, where am i now? this whole end-of-year-beginning-of-new-year business did not really do me good. for days around new year's, i felt like crying most of the time, especially when i was on my own. i want to believe that this year will be better, but i can't, not really. not yet, maybe. and i realised that at the age of 36 i am, for the first time in my life, scared of falling in love.

song of the day: young folks by peter bjorn & john with victoria bergsman.