bye bye 2012!

so. perhaps this means i will post somewhat more regularly in 2013? i had been hoping and meaning to do so this year, but ... not until after my september holidays did i actually get around to posting anything!

among other things, 2012 brought some excellent concerts, a few of them firsts: the walkabouts - one of my favourite bands of all times - played at a small venue, and i loved every moment of it. i got them to sign my bag afterwards, which they found amusing and puzzling, but they were actually not the first to do so, i have an old bag signed by feist. i got to see the amazing loreena mckennitt in spring, at a venue that actually has great acoustics, which is not the case with all concert venues in vienna. regina spektor, a second time, this time at konzerthaus - good show, but it was a bad day for me, so even this favourite of mine was secondary to other stuff, bad timing. then there was another springsteen "party" in the summer, a marathon concert, one of the longest the boss has ever played. good workout not only for the band, but also for me! to say i was thrilled when i found out richard hawley would finally, finally honour vienna with a visit, might be an understatement of extraordinary proportions. a small venue, good sound, and a great performance by this outstanding songwriter and musician. one of the highlights of the year. sophie hunger, the swiss singer songwriter, at konzerthaus was fabulous. i was sure i'd enjoy the concert, but i loved the whole show. that girl can sing! finally, in december, my first tiger lillies concert, a great performance, at the perfect venue for it. great musicians, these guys.

poetry-wise: a poetry-filled spring, especially april and may, and the rest of the year, well ... not too much. but i got into some good magazines, among them arsenic lobster, thrush, robot melon, yew, escape into life. i got two best of the net nominations - from arsenic lobster and escape into life - and my first ever pushcart nomination from arsenic lobster (see previous post). so, good news! i am still working on (or: should be working on) my full-length collection, elemental, and i have almost got a chapbook together, too.

i spent most of my summer afternoons outdoors, also many weekends, cycling, swimming, relaxing, reading, walking. i love that the prater and donauinsel are so close to our flat. our little garden did well, and we harvested our first ever water melon. a very sweet ca. 3 kg!

more sports was only part of the changes i made to my life - the bigger part is healthier eating. i am basically (and sometimes a bit loosely) following the weight watchers guidelines, using mainly recipes from their wonderful recipe books. we have tried out so many new recipes and come across incredibly delicious food that doesn't take long to prepare. i've lost about 16 kilos and enjoy what i eat way more now. steps in the right direction.

i took way more photos in the second half of the year than in the first, for a while i wasn't even using my canon much, only took some snapshots with the pocket camera. i missed being creative in that way, though, after a while. so back on track here, too, even if not as much as i should be. but ... there are only so many hours in a day, ad editing does take ages if done properly!

i read a lot, and after a year of using it, i must say, the kindle was one of the best things i have ever bought for myself. one of THE discoveries, for me, was gail carriger - i devoured her miss tarabotti books! i could have read a lot more poetry, though ... this ought to change in 2013.

of course i spent some time in cinemas during the viennale film festival, and got to see some very good films. one of the highlights was "electrick children", another "margaret". and i actually made it to the cinema twice since, "argo" and "anna karenina".

we spent some time in carinthia and had a fantastic holiday in croatia and montenegro, with a trip to albania. but all those details can be read in previous and very detailled posts. the weekend trip to krumlov two weeks ago was also beautiful, but again ... see previous post. in the summer we had a few days off in burgenland, it was hot and quiet and very, very relaxing. i did not write as much as last year when i went alone, but i did more walking, and we saw plenty of shooting stars!

i guess i should say a few words about work, but this is the one topic i really want to avoid at the moment. it was a good year, with many lovely students, and continued great feedback. but ... the project has ended, and apparently a sheet of paper counts more than great work over many, many years, and i will be part of another project as of january, one that does not sound very tempting at all. other things that have happened are pretty much top secret, so all i can say is that i am most definitely not amused. so perhaps the new year will see me working elsewhere. wish me luck.

i didn't write as many letters and mails as i'd intended to, and there are friends i didn't see enough of. i didn't write as much as i'd hoped to, and there is some stuff left undone. but then again ... i was outdoors way more than i'd thought, i lost more weight than i could have imagined. i continue to enjoy cooking. i managed to clear out some closets, cupboards and many folders. i had some of those moments at work when i just know why i put in so much work and when i just knew i was in the right place at the right time. heinz and i started boogie classes. i've had moments when i was really and truly happy. i continue to work on myself. i may not always be happy about my reactions or behaviour, but isn't that just human? and isn't that also a sign of me watching myself and learning and developing? i am still learning to be more forgiving towards myself, but i feel i am on the right track.


all the best to you and yours for the coming year. one hope beyond my own little life is that people wake up and realise that so much of what we are doing is not the best, or in fact, not even particularly smart. we can do better.


song of the day: z'lied vor freiheitsstatue by sophie hunger.

late to the party ...

the new year is almost a week old, and i am finally getting around to writing my end-of-2007 post. how pathetic is that. and even though i have had more time to think about it, i still find myself sitting here wondering what to say. now THAT is even more pathetic. *g*

we already know it was not a good year: my divorce from sepp, the financial disaster caused by venetia, all the heartache that came with my affair with nathan, the panic attacks and depression, falling out with my mother, the computer breakdown, the stolen purse and other, smaller troubles.

but of course it was not all bad.

the best thing was that so many people showed me they care. and how. my friends in vienna provided the best support a girl could wish for. my friends abroad sent me good vibes, virtual hugs and messages that occasionally made me wonder whether they were still talking about me. people i barely knew shared their experiences with me and became new friends. i don't even want to begin to imagine what i would have done without all that. so thank you. you know who you are.

of course there was something good in that love affair, though at the moment i am finding it a bit hard to see that. and that's okay, too. i still know many good poems were inspired by it, some of the music will stay with me as well, and one day i will be able to look back on the lovely days without bitterness or anger.

poetry:
45 poems were published in 2007, a handful were accepted for publication in 2008; in addition to that, the 24 secret meanings of greek letters poems in my chapbox. and of course alex's and my collaboration was accepted in the summer. one of my fibs placed second in the flashquake competition, and john vick awarded me a gift certificate. the elements series is about halfway done. i did not write nearly as much as in 2006, and i have been totally blocked since late september when the panic attacks began. but i am quite happy with some of my work.

the year also saw the publication of some photographs - the first one in lily, then in the fray published four. i really hope to place some more this year.

books:
i read a lot of poetry, particularly enjoyed galway kinnell's collection, thomas tranströmer's collection, the digerati anthology, teresa white's full-length collection and most of the chapbooks that i swapped / bought (among them, kelli russell agodon, ryan murphy, arlene ang). as for novels: jasper fforde still rules. so does terry pratchett.

music:
like almost any other year, i have made quite a few musical discoveries and been to some terrific concerts.

among the year's new favourites are regina spektor, bat for lashes, devendra banhart, pink martini, cat power, the yeah yeah yeahs, james morrison, beirut, deine lakaien, the editors, the pipettes, kristin hersh (re-discovered), scott walker (re-discovered), laura veirs.

i got to see tori amos again, loved the arcade fire and rufus wainwright concerts.

not sure what i listened to most this year, but certainly a lot of arcade fire, nellie mckay, rufus wainwright, martha wainwright, tom waits, feist, walkabouts, abba, georg danzer, muse, amy winehouse, attwenger, decemberists, belle & sebastian, billy joel, jenny lewis, kaiser chiefs, richard hawley, jarvis cocker, o brother where art thou soundtrack.

among my songs of the year (not necessarily new songs) - for all sorts of reasons:

chasing cars (snow patrol) ~ down boy (the yeah yeah yeahs) ~ trophy (bat for lashes) ~ fidelity (regina spektor) ~ the blower's daughter (damien rice) ~ your ghost (kristin hersh & michael stipe) ~ dis quand reviendras-tu (martha wainwright) ~ hey there delilah (the plain white t's) ~ diferente (gotan project) ~ santa maria da feira (devendra banhart) ~ this side of the blue (joanna newsom) ~ going to a town (rufus wainwright) ~ back to black (amy winehouse) ~ revival (the soulsavers with mark lanegan) ~ tell it to me (tom waits) ~ i see a darkness (bonnie prince billy) ~ velvet revolution (tori amos) ~ landed (ben folds) ~ 36 grad (2raumwohnung) ~ beyond the sea (robbie williams) ~ antichrist television blues (arcade fire) ~ paths of victory (cat power) ~ green fields (the good the bad & the queen) ~ majesty (madrugada) ~ please baby don't (sergio mendes feat john legend) ~ louis, louis (teitur) ~ troy (sinead o'connor) ~ tonight i have to leave it (shout oud louds) ~ young folks (peter bjorn & john with victoria bergsman).

favourite memories of 2007 include arlene's visit, hiking with my dad in the mountains near my hometown, a thunderstorm on the flight from chicago to l.a., my walks at central cemetery, holding gudrun's new baby boy for the first time, reading Open Letter to A Poet at café kafka, holding my new chapbox in my hands, meeting sarah.

i did not go to the cinema very often this year, but loved the queen, notes on a scandal, scott walker - 30th century man and savage grace. and it was great to see the third man again in the summer.

new addictions: facebook, scrabulous (very recent), grey's anatomy, nellie mckay, progressive muscle relaxation.
old addictions: gilmore girls, chocolate, photography.

and so, where am i now? this whole end-of-year-beginning-of-new-year business did not really do me good. for days around new year's, i felt like crying most of the time, especially when i was on my own. i want to believe that this year will be better, but i can't, not really. not yet, maybe. and i realised that at the age of 36 i am, for the first time in my life, scared of falling in love.

song of the day: young folks by peter bjorn & john with victoria bergsman.