more of the same

slowly but surely i am beginning to think that there is a big neon sign flashing above my head, spelling out "I AM HERE!" so that more shit can be dumped on me. *sigh* last week i was coughing badly, and since the weekend i've had a fever. also, sunday morning i woke up with a rather stiff, sore neck, which i hoped would not bother me too long. oh but bother me it did. does. it got so bad monday night that i could barely sleep - it was impossible to find a sleeping position that did not hurt like hell, and i spent hours awake, at times pacing the living room, trying not to whimper, cry and/or pass out with frustration and pain.

monday was my last day at the crap company. so yes, i did go in despite my fever and neck problem. tried to find a sub for the afternoon, but was not successful at such short notice. i had a very bad panic attack during my lunch break, by far the worst / most intense attack i've had at work. i don't think i've felt as bad and scared since that attack three weeks ago. i was on the phone with sepp, poor guy, and that helped, but still ... don't ask me how i got through the afternoon. it was not exactly fun.

this morning i went to see the GP for the neck pains, got some tablets which make me incredibly tired, but lying down still hurts very badly, and instead of sleeping at 01.30 am, i am sitting here writing a blog entry. in fact, the pills had brought some relief, but just before going to bed about two hours ago, i inadvertently made a wrong move ... yay. not.

of course the fever and the neck pain made me stay in, and i did not go to the clinic nor did i go to the tennis tournament at stadthalle, where i usually go each year, at least on tuesdays, ladies day, when it's free for us girls. :( we'll see how i am in the morning. if i feel up to it, i'll go, if not, i'll go on thursday.

i'm really pissed off, because it happens so often that i get ill when i have time off. and the weather's so glorious too! and it's not like i don't have work to do either. *sticking my tongue out at life*

* * * * *

my poem selenium (se) - serenade in f minor: sixteen people, locoweed and cattle at full moon was among the top 10 poems of the poetry super highway contest. 8th place out of 497 poems, which means i did better than last year, when one of my kitchen conversations was in 9th place. and funny, once again it was the poem i thought i "might as well throw in". i won a book and 10 euro. :) the top three poems can be read on the PSH website. congratulations!

front porch told me they were "very impressed by my writing" but that my particular piece "was not a right fit". hm, my "particular piece" was actually five pieces, but never mind.

but: i'll try and get some sleep.

song of the day: hit me baby one more time by travis.