sweat, sleep & the NHS - england day 6

hot & sweaty night. (not what you think. get your mind out of the gutter!) woke with a temperature of 38°C. not a promising start to the day. a trip to the pharmacy across the street then, to get some paracetamol, cough relief and vicks vapo rub. grocery shopping. i didn't even bother with breakfast, just had a pain au chocolat - the kind of pain that is actually sweet. ;)

back to bed - a little reading, a little lexulous, a little looking out the window, a little listening to my "the name of the wind" audio book. then more sleep. talked to heinz, who i'd asked to contact my GP in vienna. the thing is, in austria, if you get sick during your holidays, it doesn't count as a holiday, because holidays are for recreation, and being ill clearly isn't. so if you get sick on a holiday, you need to see a doctor to get a certificate or confirmation of being ill. my GP told heinz that i needed to see a doctor here in england to get some confirmation to take with me to vienna.

so i rang the sandown NHS health centre. after getting disconnected three times, the lady i finally got on the line wasn't terribly friendly or helpful. she said they could not give me any confirmation or anything, if anyone in the UK got sick during their holidays, it was "just one of these things". sorry. great. i decided to call my GP in vienna. he was surprised at the reaction of the NHS person and said if i could bring a bill or confirmation of an appointment, that would be fine. i tried a different health centre, in shanklin, and they were much friendlier. they said i could get an appointment card, certainly, but i would have to go to the health centre in sandown, because i was staying there, not in shanklin. so, another call (looking forward to my phone bill! not.) to sandown health centre, and fortunately i had a different person on the line. she gave me an appointment for tomorrow morning, to see a nurse. i hope that will get me what i need.

due to the paracetamol, my temperature has gone down, but i feel very tired and weak. i guess the sweating is actually very good, but i am running out of clothes ... i hate being ill away from home, and this certainly isn't the way i pictured my holiday. i'm quite upset and disappointed, and i think i am also unhappy with the way i went about it all ... i should have taken it easier the first couple of days, perhaps found some indoor activities instead. will i never learn?

i am feeling quite anxious this afternoon. i already dread going back to work, especially now that i won't feel rested at all. i am trying to be kind to myself and not to be angry with myself for overdoing it and falling ill, but it's not easy. i sat down to write this blog post, because i was beginning to feel panicky. and that's about the last thing i need.


song of the day: fever by elvis.

feverish bird-watching - england day 5

i slept until 08:30, with a few minor interruptions. i still had a fever and felt lousy. i dragged my body into the shower, then to the co-op for some groceries and a packet of nurofen. at the supermarket i felt as if my knees would buckle any moment, and i would faint. blah. had a rather small breakfast today, then crawled into bed. found out that nurofen should not be taken while on SSRIs and/or anti-depressants, but i decided to take one anyway. i'm still alive and fairly okay 8 hours later ... but might get something else at the pharmacy tomorrow. just as i was about to put my laptop away, heinz called. it was only a brief talk, as i was almost falling asleep. i slept (and sweated) for three hours. did me good.

i spent the afternoon reading, blogging, sitting by the window wrapped in blankets just looking at the sea, watching people and, especially, birds. it just fascinates me how they ride the wind, the currents, how they do as little as possible, just shift a little, adjust the angle of a wing now and again, move their heads here and there - and i found myself comparing them to kids on swings or water slides or merry-go-rounds or simply spinning, arms outstretched, doing the same thing over and over again, happily squealing with the excitement and joy of it.

my temperature has gone down, though i feel rather tired now, and my eyes are aching. i will try to get as much sleep as possible after my dinner of coleslaw, cheddar, cucumber and bread (guess where i am, lol!).

i have also thought about this fever/cold. i guess it's just another lesson in the ongoing tailor-made-for-michi programme "taking care of myself". i suppose i should have taken it easy and not walked quite so far on days 2 and 3, what with the chill wind and all, and not having walked so much since last autumn. i guess i should have listened to my body on day 2, when it seemed to try to tell me at the arboretum near newport that perhaps it was enough, that perhaps it was okay to take the bus back instead of ploughing ontowards east cowes, no? i remember telling myself that it was fine to go on, the exercise would do me good, make me tired, make me sleep well. but my body had a point. i really need to listen to it much more carefully. on day 3, at bembridge, i did that. i caught the bus back instead of trying to prove something to myself or whoever would care to watch or listen. looking back, i should have done less on day 2. walked along the beach, perhaps. and instead left longer hikes for a little later. i came here to relax, too, and of course, that's the first thing i neglect, because i always want to make the most of everything, forgetting that sometimes less is in fact more, is better for me. so yes, body, i got the message: you, we needed a day of rest. it hit home, and i might not forget so easily, because i really regretted having to stay indoors today, as it was such a lovely, sunny day.

as for the drugs: i still feel dizzy and nauseous in the mornings, though better during the day - not sure if it's because of the exercise and fresh air, or because the side effects are beginning to disappear. my eyes still seem weird at times, but it's better, too.

i'm hoping to get plenty of sleep and feel much better tomorrow! for now, i'll just watch some more birds.


song of the day: i like birds by the eels.

needles, cliffs, the sea, tennyson & half a dead fox - england day 4

what did i wake up to? a blue sky! so i decided not to go to london after all, because i didn't want to risk missing out on a hike on what might possibly be the only sunny day during this holiday. instead, i took the bus to revisit a couple of places i'd been to in the 90s, starting at alum bay.

alum bay is famous for its multi-coloured sands and the fact that, due to geological folding, you can find vertical layers of rock instead of horizontal layers - younger rocks to the west and older rocks to the east. quite stunningly beautiful. until recently i did not know that guglielmo marconi moved here at the end of the 19th century and experimented with radio, communicating with ships offshore.

i did not go down to the beach, however, but instead walked to the needles battery and the needles viewpoint. the needles are three stacks of chalk rising out of the sea just off the shore at the isle's westernmost point. they don't actually look like needles at all, but that is easily explained: there was actually one shaped like a needle, called lot's wife, but it collapsed ages ago. the name, however, stuck. the needles lighthouse is iconic - just walk into any souvenir shop on the island, and it will greet you a hundred times.

queen victoria may have been the most famous resident on the island, but another VIP, so to speak, spent many, many years here: alfred lord tennyson, poet laureate. he owned a house on the island and was a permanent resident for one and a half decades, before he "fled" from the starstruck tourists who kept pestering him, returning to the island during the quiet winters. it was up the hill named after him (tennyson down) that i walked to the memorial erected in his memory, up on a clifftop 147m above the sea, silently reciting lines from his "lady of shalott". i inwardly groaned when some folks up by the memorial were wondering what the "poet, wasn't he" had written and came up with "i wandered lonely as a cloud" ... call me a snob, but - ouch. poor wordsworth, poor tennyson.

it was so beautiful up there, and though it was quite windy at the top, the more than welcome sun made such a difference! i walked on towards freshwater bay, where i stopped for a hot drink, then walked on along the coastal path towards brook. ah, the sea! if there is one thing i would change about my home country it is the fact that it's landlocked. i have always loved the sea. it has never scared me, always drawn me to it. there's something about it that is healing, comforting. i also love the fact that its mood can change like a person's ... from calm and inviting to turmoil, fury and bleakness. it's as if it reflected a person's emotions, inner life.

i walked past tucked away little bays, among gorse bushes, encountered the first two bumblebeesof the season, saw a lot of smiling faces, took plenty of pictures, enjoyed the views all around, and - almost stumbled over half a dead fox. the first thought was "oh, brilliant!" what does that say about me? ha. it looked quite bizarre - only the front half of the animal was left fairly intact ... the rest ... well ... don't ask. i'll post a picture later.

not far from the fox, a bloody wing. above me, seagulls and crows circling and screeching, riding the currents. life and death.

i got to brook chine much sooner than i'd expected, so i went down and sat on the beach for a bit, soaking up some good sea, sun & sand vibes. at the bus stop i stretched out on the bench, face tilted towards the sun, listening to the crows making a racket in the adjacent field, and i could have fallen asleep there, it was so peaceful!

back in sandown, i once again found that nothing beats a long, hot shower after a 14 or 15 km hike. bliss! i felt like dining out, so i put on some decent clothes for a change, no muddy boots or hiking gear. in celebration of me i even put on lipstick! ;) i went to the indian restaurant for some kadai paneer and tandoori roti, and i actually allowed myself the first half pint of cider in ages.

i barely drink alcohol anymore - i went teetotal in 2007, because i did not want to mix my psychotropic drugs with alcohol. i didn't actually mind all that much. when i went off the pills, i found that wine didn't do me good anymore - unfortunately, because i had always enjoyed a glass of shiraz. wines tend to make me anxious and slightly paranoid now. funnily enough, i am alright with some bailey's or even a small caipirinha now and again. anyway, so i thought i'd see how cider agrees with me these days. i spent an hour eating and reading "being alive", being particularly struck by simon armitage's "Not the Furniture Game".

back in my room, i had another video chat with heinz. i had felt hot and my eyes had hurt after my hike, but i'd put it down to the sun, wind and exercise. however, by about 10:30 i was convinced something was wrong. well, 38°C body temperature, that's what was wrong with me. aaaaarghhhh! so, off to bed. i went from burning up to teeth chattering cold until i eventually fell asleep.

here are some photos!


view of the needles



gorse - south england's light



alum bay



freshwater bay



tennyson memorial



half a dead fox



reflective bird


song of the day: the lady of shalott by loreena mckennitt, based on the poem by alfred lord tennyson.