a check, an irritation, and vienna's first POEM TITLE GENERATOR

one word of my poetry is worth US$ 0,109375 - at least that's the amount i get when i divide the US $35 i received from flashquake by the number of words in my two published poems. along with the check i received a cd copy of the issue in which my work appears, and a lovely note from debi orton. thanks!

less pleasant - this incident: at the end of april withdrew my poems from taj mahal review after they had accepted two for publication - and after i had found out i would have to buy a contributor's copy rather than get one. this is what the editors wrote back: OK we will not publish. so far so good. perhaps somebody out there has an explanation for their email of sunday:

Dear Michaela A. Gabriel
Hope you are fine there. We are pleased to write that your CAFÉ WESTEND and I DREAM OF HAVING A DAUGHTER have been published in June 2006 issue of Taj Mahal Review. ... etc

i mean, what the ...???

instead of telling them what unprofessional (fill in whichever word you prefer) they were, i remained very polite in my reply in which i merely stated that i was not exactly pleased with the news, and that they had confirmed withdrawal of said poems.
the only "reply" i got, and i am not sure it wasn't a mistake, was a fwd of the email in which i acknowledged their acceptance of my poems for the june issue, which had - OF COURSE - come some time BEFORE my withdrawal.

okay, and here is ...


answer the questions and it will tell you the title of the (next) poem you should write! if you like, do post the poem in reply to this, or on your blog. i look forward to reading the poetry!

I On which day of the week were you born?

II What's the furthest you've been away from the place you were born?

III Right now, which three CDs (max.) would you take "to the island" with you?

IV Let's talk about your toes. Choose the answer that's closest to what you might actually say.
a) I am the next toe model!
b) They're hairier than my head.
c) They fill out all that space in my shoes really nicely.
d) They're the eleven best things about me.
e) What kind of person wants to know things like these?

V What's your first association for each of these words:
a) Ethel b) Austria c) mellifluous

VI Which of these places (all real!) sounds most promising:
a) Rottenegg b) Piddletrenthide c) Burnt Bottom d) Ryme Intrinseca

VII Which of these poem titles most appeals to you:
a) To Help the Monkey Cross the River
b) Relaxing with Taxidermy
c) If He Were Alive Today, Mayhap, Mr. Morgan Would Sit on the Midget's Lap
d) A Green Song To Sing At The Bottle Bank
e) Scorflufus

Arlene -
the poem you should write is "Soliloquy for Alessandra Mussolini". shouldn't be too difficult to come up with the most interesting thing she's ever had to say

Carl -
thanks for using the PTG. it says that the poem that you need to write (and that might make you immortal) is quite obviously "The Brandenburg Nightmares, Part I: Watermelon Quickstep". you may choose the subtitles for the brandenburg nightmares, parts 2-37 yourself.

Sarah -
it took the PTG a while to figure this out, but now it is quite happy to tell you that the poem title that has been waiting for you, is "miss honey shows off her toes at the bar". there may be some tom waits grumbling in the background.

Alex -
that was easy. your title is, naturally: "The Barman Analyses Lucy's Fear of Pumpkins". he might be wiping tabletops or glasses, and miss lucy might actually be distracted by ... ah, you'll know.

Michi (me, that is) -
PTG caims that my title is "what if i fancy the woman on the train". aha. wherever that came from. and yes, what if?

Lia -
nice to see you here! the PTG was just as pleased as me, and it recommends this title for one of your future creations: "lessons in surrender". great choice of canadian music, btw. *S*

Sharon -
the PTG went crazy when i fed it your answers. it spun for approx. 3 hours and 15 minutes, gurgled a little, beeped, and told me that it couldn't decide which title was best. at gunpoint, however, it said this: "The Taxidermist's Guide to Alpine Fauna" is perfect for you.

Lauren -
apparently the PTG decided that it was okay, after all, to work with only one association in answer to question V, and it told me to post this as your poem's title: "On a common Thursday in Troy", even though that does not necessarily include monkeys and burnt bottoms.

Sharon again -
one of the sillier titles the PTG tentatively suggested was "A Portrait Of The Taxidermist As A Stuffed Shirt". it did, barely, resist the temptation of going for "There are no words ugly enough to describe a burnt bottom", but did think "Sister Lucy's Cauliflower Experiment" might be an acceptable title. i wonder if i might have to reprogram it ...

Nate -
the PTG thinks that your title is "Still Life With Mellifluous Strings", but it thinks there might be another one in this somewhere. perhaps with kangaroos, those natives of the austrian alps. *G* check back again, the machine is still spluttering and creaking as i am typing this.

Shelley -
the PTG claims that your poem title is "The Merman Attempts To Cross The River"; it does not say whether he takes off his shoes first, but it thinks it might have happened on a tuesday.

Liz -
my PTG and i may not have been introduced to you formally, and i certainly would not feed YOU to the machine (not whole, anyway *G*), but we are pleased you think we can be of service. the PTG sputtered and creaked a while, thus telling me that it was trying to decide between two titles, before it presented this: "A Chinese Song of Bread and Honey", no hints re monkeys, toes, or days of the week.

Sepp -
while the PTG is perfectly aware of the fact that you do not write poetry, it was happy to have something to chew on for a while, and i swear i heard it chuckle too! so, this is your title: "disturbed amoebae split on bruce the cleaner's lap". i am not entirely sure whether i should say i look forward to seeing what you can come up with ...

Collin-
the PTG was quite happy to have more answers fed into its huge hungry mouth. the belching and grumbling got a little out of hand after a while, but i guess that's okay considering the poor machine had a hard time deciding between two titles. it asked very nicely to give you them both, and who am i to say no? so, there's "Love Sits Neatly on Lucy's Lap" and "Paris, Wednesday Morning: The Diva Is Still Dancing" - no hints whether bears or peter gabriel were involved, though mr morgan was spotted on the sidelines.

Andie -
thanks for stopping by! the PTG is purring happily in the background, and it has told me, quite confidently, that this is your poem title: "I should know that when the pawn crosses the river ...". no mention of ben folds - though even the PTG noticed your choice of a tori amos album - for me it was a choice between little earthquakes and from the choirgirl hotel - must have been more in a choirgirl mood that day!

jenniforr -
thank you for stopping by to give the PTG something to do; it was starting to get rusty. i was amazed that it found a title for your poem in no time at all: "Eleven Things You Never Knew About Austin Winters". and no, it did not say whether this is supposed to mean the season in the city of austin or a person called Austin Winters, but i am sure you will know what to do. oh and - *hi* from vienna!

song of the day: azzurro by adriano celentano.