Tuesday, June 20, 2006

a check, an irritation, and vienna's first POEM TITLE GENERATOR

one word of my poetry is worth US$ 0,109375 - at least that's the amount i get when i divide the US $35 i received from flashquake by the number of words in my two published poems. along with the check i received a cd copy of the issue in which my work appears, and a lovely note from debi orton. thanks!

less pleasant - this incident: at the end of april withdrew my poems from taj mahal review after they had accepted two for publication - and after i had found out i would have to buy a contributor's copy rather than get one. this is what the editors wrote back: OK we will not publish. so far so good. perhaps somebody out there has an explanation for their email of sunday:

Dear Michaela A. Gabriel
Hope you are fine there. We are pleased to write that your CAFÉ WESTEND and I DREAM OF HAVING A DAUGHTER have been published in June 2006 issue of Taj Mahal Review. ... etc
i mean, what the ...???

instead of telling them what unprofessional (fill in whichever word you prefer) they were, i remained very polite in my reply in which i merely stated that i was not exactly pleased with the news, and that they had confirmed withdrawal of said poems.
the only "reply" i got, and i am not sure it wasn't a mistake, was a fwd of the email in which i acknowledged their acceptance of my poems for the june issue, which had - OF COURSE - come some time BEFORE my withdrawal.

okay, and here is ...


answer the questions and it will tell you the title of the (next) poem you should write! if you like, do post the poem in reply to this, or on your blog. i look forward to reading the poetry!
I On which day of the week were you born?

II What's the furthest you've been away from the place you were born?

III Right now, which three CDs (max.) would you take "to the island" with you?

IV Let's talk about your toes. Choose the answer that's closest to what you might actually say.
a) I am the next toe model!
b) They're hairier than my head.
c) They fill out all that space in my shoes really nicely.
d) They're the eleven best things about me.
e) What kind of person wants to know things like these?

V What's your first association for each of these words:
a) Ethel b) Austria c) mellifluous

VI Which of these places (all real!) sounds most promising:
a) Rottenegg b) Piddletrenthide c) Burnt Bottom d) Ryme Intrinseca

VII Which of these poem titles most appeals to you:
a) To Help the Monkey Cross the River
b) Relaxing with Taxidermy
c) If He Were Alive Today, Mayhap, Mr. Morgan Would Sit on the Midget's Lap
d) A Green Song To Sing At The Bottle Bank
e) Scorflufus
Arlene -
the poem you should write is "Soliloquy for Alessandra Mussolini". shouldn't be too difficult to come up with the most interesting thing she's ever had to say
Carl -
thanks for using the PTG. it says that the poem that you need to write (and that might make you immortal) is quite obviously "The Brandenburg Nightmares, Part I: Watermelon Quickstep". you may choose the subtitles for the brandenburg nightmares, parts 2-37 yourself.
Sarah -
it took the PTG a while to figure this out, but now it is quite happy to tell you that the poem title that has been waiting for you, is "miss honey shows off her toes at the bar". there may be some tom waits grumbling in the background.
Alex -
that was easy. your title is, naturally: "The Barman Analyses Lucy's Fear of Pumpkins". he might be wiping tabletops or glasses, and miss lucy might actually be distracted by ... ah, you'll know.
Michi (me, that is) -
PTG caims that my title is "what if i fancy the woman on the train". aha. wherever that came from. and yes, what if?
Lia -
nice to see you here! the PTG was just as pleased as me, and it recommends this title for one of your future creations: "lessons in surrender". great choice of canadian music, btw. *S*
Sharon -
the PTG went crazy when i fed it your answers. it spun for approx. 3 hours and 15 minutes, gurgled a little, beeped, and told me that it couldn't decide which title was best. at gunpoint, however, it said this: "The Taxidermist's Guide to Alpine Fauna" is perfect for you.
Lauren -
apparently the PTG decided that it was okay, after all, to work with only one association in answer to question V, and it told me to post this as your poem's title: "On a common Thursday in Troy", even though that does not necessarily include monkeys and burnt bottoms.
Sharon again -
one of the sillier titles the PTG tentatively suggested was "A Portrait Of The Taxidermist As A Stuffed Shirt". it did, barely, resist the temptation of going for "There are no words ugly enough to describe a burnt bottom", but did think "Sister Lucy's Cauliflower Experiment" might be an acceptable title. i wonder if i might have to reprogram it ...
Nate -
the PTG thinks that your title is "Still Life With Mellifluous Strings", but it thinks there might be another one in this somewhere. perhaps with kangaroos, those natives of the austrian alps. *G* check back again, the machine is still spluttering and creaking as i am typing this.
Shelley -
the PTG claims that your poem title is "The Merman Attempts To Cross The River"; it does not say whether he takes off his shoes first, but it thinks it might have happened on a tuesday.
Liz -
my PTG and i may not have been introduced to you formally, and i certainly would not feed YOU to the machine (not whole, anyway *G*), but we are pleased you think we can be of service. the PTG sputtered and creaked a while, thus telling me that it was trying to decide between two titles, before it presented this: "A Chinese Song of Bread and Honey", no hints re monkeys, toes, or days of the week.
Sepp -
while the PTG is perfectly aware of the fact that you do not write poetry, it was happy to have something to chew on for a while, and i swear i heard it chuckle too! so, this is your title: "disturbed amoebae split on bruce the cleaner's lap". i am not entirely sure whether i should say i look forward to seeing what you can come up with ...
Collin-
the PTG was quite happy to have more answers fed into its huge hungry mouth. the belching and grumbling got a little out of hand after a while, but i guess that's okay considering the poor machine had a hard time deciding between two titles. it asked very nicely to give you them both, and who am i to say no? so, there's "Love Sits Neatly on Lucy's Lap" and "Paris, Wednesday Morning: The Diva Is Still Dancing" - no hints whether bears or peter gabriel were involved, though mr morgan was spotted on the sidelines.
Andie -
thanks for stopping by! the PTG is purring happily in the background, and it has told me, quite confidently, that this is your poem title: "I should know that when the pawn crosses the river ...". no mention of ben folds - though even the PTG noticed your choice of a tori amos album - for me it was a choice between little earthquakes and from the choirgirl hotel - must have been more in a choirgirl mood that day!
jenniforr -
thank you for stopping by to give the PTG something to do; it was starting to get rusty. i was amazed that it found a title for your poem in no time at all: "Eleven Things You Never Knew About Austin Winters". and no, it did not say whether this is supposed to mean the season in the city of austin or a person called Austin Winters, but i am sure you will know what to do. oh and - *hi* from vienna!

song of the day: azzurro by adriano celentano.

34 comments:

Arlene said...

yay, a dr. gabriel quiz!

1. wednesday (i think)

2. italy

3. alanis morissette's unplugged; red hot chilli peppers' californication; billy joel's greatest hits vol 1-2

4. d.

5. a) michi, b) ethel c) kristy bowen (part of her blog name)

6. a.

7. d.

Carl Bryant said...

So what will the title of your next poem be, Michi?

I'm dying to know.

Hey - if you wrote something along the lines of the waste land... at ten cents per word... Wow.

Add a catchy title, and you're a millionaire!

michi said...

thanks for playing, arlene! ethel, ethel everywhere ... the PTG very nearly made it an ethelesque title for you ...

carl, where are your answers? my generator was SO expensive, and now it's just sitting there doing nothing! i have yet to generate mine, but i wanted others to play first. i am SO polite. and *L* @ your comment.

m

Sam of the ten thousand things said...

I'm going to quote Guy Clark, Texas songwriter:

"Ain't no money in poetry
That's what sets the poet free
And I've had all the freedom I can stand"

Sorry about the unfortunate experience with tmr.

Carl Bryant said...

Darn. Okay, here goes:

I On which day of the week were you born?
Fatterday.

II What's the furthest you've been away from the place you were born?
This confusing little planet.

III Right now, which three CDs (max.) would you take "to the island" with you?
Brandenburg Concerto #2 (It never gets stale)
Margaritaville (It's an island, after all)
Hootie and the Blowfish (to throw at birds in case of hunger)

IV Let's talk about your toes. Choose the answer that's closest to what you might actually say.
b) They're hairier than my head.

V What's your first association for each of these words:
a) Ethel - Leaded
b) Austria - Alps
c) mellifluous - Watermelon

VI Which of these places (all real!) sounds most promising:
b) Piddletrenthide

VII Which of these poem titles most appeals to you:
a) To Help the Monkey Cross the River

SarahJane said...

Hi Michi!
Yippee.

1. Saturday
2. What's the earth's diameter again?
3. This is too hard.... ok, Leonard Cohen's Greatest Hits, Bach Cantata n. 82 sung by Lorraine Hunt Lieberson & Tom Waits' "Closing Time." Call me old fashioned.
4. I am the next toe model. This really is true; I've been saying it since I was a teenager.
5. Ethel --> electrocution
Austria --> JJ1
Mellifluous --> tupelo honey
6. Ryme whoseewhats
7. A Green Song to Sing ...

ok, now save my poetic life.
smile

michi said...

we'll see if the PTG can find something for me, since carl was curious, more curiouser than me actually. :)
---
I sunday
II tonga, new zealand, somewhere around there
III why didn't i ask sth easier? *L* right this moment: tori amos – from the choirgirl hotel, the walkabouts – train leaves at eight, tilly and the wall – wild like children
IV e) of course!
V stained underwear // spittal an der drau (my birth place & hometown) // bumblebee
VI d)
VII difficult – because i know the poems that go with these titles … possibly d)

michi said...

alex s. sent in these answers by email:

1. tuesday
2. Athens
3.Lifter Puller--Soft Rock; The Replacements Tim; The Best of Radio Birdman
4. c
5 Ethel-Lucy; Austria-Michi; mellifluos; billy corrigan
6. c
7. a

SarahJane said...

haha! well, i will have to give it a go.
smile

michi said...

great! :)
if anything comes of it, i am sure we will get a link to the publication ... *S*

Arlene said...

haha! thanks for the poem title, you! that is one woman i can't stand -- she looks scary, too. i wonder if your title is connected in any way to her, to miss honey, to lucy or —erm— ethel. hmmmm. your PTG (psycho title generator) seems obsessed with women.

a.

Liadra said...

I On which day of the week were you born?

Tuesday

II What's the furthest you've been away from the place you were born?

St. Kitts

III Right now, which three CDs (max.) would you take "to the island" with you?

Surfacing (Sarah McLaughlin)
Five Days in July (Blue Rodeo)
Stunt (Barenaked Ladies)

IV Let's talk about your toes. Choose the answer that's closest to what you might actually say.
a) I am the next toe model!
b) They're hairier than my head.
c) They fill out all that space in my shoes really nicely.
d) They're the eleven best things about me.
e) What kind of person wants to know things like these?

e)

V What's your first association for each of these words:
a) Ethel b) Austria c) mellifluous

a) Merman
b) Sound of Music
c) noise


VI Which of these places (all real!) sounds most promising:
a) Rottenegg b) Piddletrenthide c) Burnt Bottom d) Ryme Intrinseca

d)

VII Which of these poem titles most appeals to you:
a) To Help the Monkey Cross the River
b) Relaxing with Taxidermy
c) If He Were Alive Today, Mayhap, Mr. Morgan Would Sit on the Midget's Lap
d) A Green Song To Sing At The Bottle Bank
e) Scorflufus

a)

Sharon Hurlbut said...

Hi Michi!! So sorry to hear about the Taj Mahal Review debacle. Bummer!

But, I'm thrilled to see your quiz/poem generator. Goodness knows, I can use all the help I can get right now to finish my 5th round of 30/30, so here goes:

I. Sunday (Mother's Day, no less!)
II. Across the U.S.
III. Finn Brothers - Everyone is Here
O Sister! The Women's Bluegrass Collection
U2 - The Joshua Tree
IV. e (there are no words ugly enough to describe my toes)
V. a. Lucy
b. alpine lake
c. cauliflower
VI. c. Burnt Bottom
VII. b Relaxing with Taxidermy

Sharon Hurlbut said...

Michi - so sorry my answers blew the circuits on the PTG! I seem to have that effect sometimes. I can certainly write more than one poem, so if the PTG wants to get the other title(s) off its chest, feel free to let me know what they were. In the meantime, I'm off to work on my dead mountain animals poem. Thank you!

lorguru said...

Hey Michi! I've been away for a bit, but I'm glad to be back in blogland, and to find such a great tool to help me round out the last week to complete my round at 30:30!
Weird story, btw, about the conditional acceptance and then the baffling note. Hmmmm.

Here are my answers...

1. I'm thinking it was a Thursday.
2. Istanbul
3. Sinead O'Connor's Greatest
The Beatles (aka White Album)
Prince, Purple Rain
4. a. (I'm too sexy for my toes, I'm way too sexy")
5. michi
6. c
7. a

I can hardly wait!!!!
-laur

michi said...

lauren, the PTG insists on your associations for all three words - Ethel, Austria and mellifluous: or is it always the same? *G*
thanks for playing!

lvnlyrip (letting it rip?)

m

lorguru said...

Indeed, michi, it was the same for all three! hehe
Thanks for using your PTG on me. I'll get to work on my poem soon!

Sharon Hurlbut said...

Ha! I love 'em all, Michi! Look for Sister Lucy's Cauliflower Experiment soming soon.

nate said...

Alright, Michi, how did I miss this... here goes:

I Sunday

II Michigan

III Victory Live (Tye Tribbett), Live from Another Level (Israel and New Breed) and Alive from South Africa (Israel and New Breed)

IV e) What kind of person wants to know things like these?

V What's your first association for each of these words:

a) Ethel - Wuthering Heights
b) Austria - Kangaroos
c) mellifluous - what???

VI Ryme Intrinseca

VII a) To Help the Monkey Cross the River (I love this poem, btw)

jenni said...

That is really crappy what this journal did to you, I don't know that i would have been so nice! ah but i am a bitch. lol. hope all is well and how i love the little red shoes in your pic--so cute!

michi said...

lauren - no, the PTG says thanks to YOU for keeping it employed.

sharon - tee-hee. i think you are weird just like ms ang and me. :))

nate - the PTG is already working, spinning at 276 rpm!

jenni - they are my *happy* shoes. i love them. :))

Shelley said...

Okay, crank up the machine, Michi!

I) Tuesday
II) Cairo
III) SheWho's The Earth Will Turn Over, Paul Simon's Surprise, and the Barbra Streisand recording of Hello, Dolly!
IV) e (there's a reason I don't wear open-toe shoes)
V) a - Merman
b - "The hills are alive..."
c - tintinitis
VI) d (Ryme Intrinseca, like everyone else)
VII) a (To Help the Monkey Cross the River)

(crossposted over at But Wait, There's More!

PS: Anyone trying to figure out their definitive answer to the first question can go here for help.

Liz said...

Hello Michi,
We don't know each other but I found you through Arlene and Lauren's blogs :0)...and can't resist asking for a go...:0)

If it's ok, can you slip me into your poetry generator?
Here are my answers:
1. Monday
2. Taipei
3. Betty Blue (Gabriel Yard) Canciones Antiguos (Martin Codax) Our Homeland (Guo Brothers)
4. c
5. a) Ethel – rollers and a fag and Coronation Street b) Austria – ballet shoes c) mellifluous – bread drenched in honey
6. d
7. a

Can't wait...thanks :0)

Liz-Anne

Liz said...

Michi and PTG, thanks for sorting out that inspiring title :0) Just hope I can come up with something...a pity about the toes and monkeys though :0)

Liz

michi said...

liz - doesn't mean you can't write in toes or monkeys, does it? *wink*

m

Liz said...

Michi, I got a piece together menos toes and monkeys! It is a bit wonky still but hope to persevere with it more!
Thanks again.

Liz :0)

sepp said...

I thursday

II fiji / new zealand

III
1 the seeger sessions - bruce springsteen
2 songs in the attic - billy joel
3 mittelpunkt der welt - element of crime

IV b

V
a) depressed cleaning lady
b) gamsbart
c) emotionally disturbed amoeba

VI b

VII c

Andie D. said...

Hi Michi,

Found you through Shelley's site. May I play, please?

I Friday
II Austrailia
III Ben Fold's Five - Whatever and Ever Amen, Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes, Fiona Apple - When the Pawn....
IV C
V a) Ethel Merman b) Von Trapps c) I should know what this word means dammit! I'll dictionary.com it but then again, I'm supposed to give my first association. So won't over analyze. For once.
VI b) Piddletrenthide of course!
VII To Help the Monkey Cross the River

Collin said...

Thank you, Michi. Those are both very interesting titles. I'll see what I can do. :) Please thank the powerful PTG for me (bows to the PTG and backs out of the room).

:
CK

Jenniforr said...

I On which day of the week were you born? Tuesday

II What's the furthest you've been away from the place you were born? Austria

III Right now, which three CDs (max.) would you take "to the island" with you? Feeder - The Singles. Coldplay - X&Y. The Beatles - 1 [it has all their number one's!]

IV Let's talk about your toes. Choose the answer that's closest to what you might actually say.
d) They're the eleven best things about me.


V What's your first association for each of these words:
a) Ethel - Austin. The shop. Of course. b) Austria - SKIING!c) mellifluous - Melon.

VI Which of these places (all real!) sounds most promising:
c) Burnt Bottom

VII Which of these poem titles most appeals to you:
a) To Help the Monkey Cross the River

Jessica C. said...

I
Friday
II
Quebec
III
Best of Clapton, Beatles White, Corinne Bailey Rae
IV
C) They fill out all that space in my shoes really nicely.
V
A) Ethylene B) Nazi overtake
C) Watermelons
VI
B) Piddletrenthide
VII
D) A Green Song to Sing at the Bottle Bank (It makes me think of yuppies.)

Anonymous said...

Not sure if this blog is still running since its frm 06 but if your there please generate for me! I need poetry for writing!

I On which day of the week were you born?

II South Africa/Australia (around the same distance I think)

III 1. Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago
2. The Cool Kids: Bake Sale
3. Spoon: Go Go Go Go Go

IV c) They fill out all that space in my shoes really nicely.


V a) Cake b) Ja c) Angsty

VI c) Burnt Bottom

VII a) To Help the Monkey Cross the River

some girl said...

1. Friday

2. San Francisco

3. Across the Universe, Come on Feel the Illinoise, The Shepherd's Dog

4. C

5. A- old lady
B- sand
C- Tibet

6. D

7. A

Janelle Gilmer said...

I On which day of the week were you born?

*Saturday

II What's the furthest you've been away from the place you were born?

*I was born in Tennessee and I have been to Canada.

III Right now, which three CDs (max.) would you take "to the island" with you?

*Kanye West - 808s and Heartbreaks
*Jazmine Sullivan - Love Me Back
*John Legend - Evolver

IV Let's talk about your toes. Choose the answer that's closest to what you might actually say.

*e) What kind of person wants to know things like these?

V What's your first association for each of these words:

*a) Ethel - I Love Lucy
*b) Austria -A Princess
*c) mellifluous- smooth

VI Which of these places (all real!) sounds most promising:

*d) Ryme Intrinseca

VII Which of these poem titles most appeals to you:

*d) A Green Song To Sing At The Bottle Bank