more bad news

... since i seem to need those on a regular basis.

my mom rang me today while i was teaching, and since she knows my schedule for february, i knew it had to be important. my granny (90) collapsed on the weekend and was taken to hospital. she's been very confused these last few days, mom said that she'd tried to disconnect all sorts of tubes, and today she got up on her own and walked around (which she was not supposed to do) and fell, possibly because she got dizzy, and she fractured her femoral neck. she was being operated on at the time mom called me. she said that before the operation granny had just gone on about the pain she was in, and that she did not want to live anymore, she did not want to go on anymore. so it's not looking good.

and the weird thing is that - just as with the news of saturday - i had a premonition or whatever, a kind of vision, for lack of a better word, a while ago: me picking up the phone in a classroom and mom telling me something very similar to today's news.

i managed to finish teaching alright, but now, at home, i am just totally subdued and sad. too many goodbyes already, of late. sometimes i almost wish i believed in god. i guess i would pray for what's best for my granny, not anything that's selfish.

song of the day: the light will stay on by the walkabouts.